NO FEAR - How To Survive Friday the 13th

13 Ways to Survive Friday the 13th:

1. Do NOT go to Percy Priest, Old Hickory or Crystal Lake.

2. Use the buddy-system. Do NOT be alone tonight. If you find yourself alone, just kill yourself b/c Jason will kill you in a more painful and torturous way.

3. If you see something weird or unusual, do NOT investigate.

4. Do NOT carry weapons. Jason will just use these against you.

5. If you find yourself face-to-face with Jason, attempt imitating his mother. Sometimes this can confuse him long enough for you to get away for a few more minutes.

6. Do NOT attempt to summon demons by chanting evil spells, even as a joke. These spells work 100% of the time.

7. Don't check to see if the guy is dead that you "killed". He's not. Your best course of action is to dismember, burn and scatter the remains in as many different locations as possible. This slows down his regeneration. Obviously

8. Collect as many lucky charms as possible. This includes rabbit's feet, 4 leaf clovers, talismans and horseshoes. If you see a penny on the street, pick it up for the love of God.


9. If you hear loud noises, it's not the dog or the wind. It is a warning and failure to heed said warning will result in your demise.

10. Avoid basements and attics at all costs. If your electricity all of a sudden goes out, get in the car and head downtown and NOT into the woods.

11. Do not attempt to revitalize your babysitting career tonight. If you babysit tonight, you and the fetus are toast.

12. If you are the macho jock football player, annoying jokester or popular blonde with enormous jugs, you're as good as dead. Stay away from your friends if you care about them at all.

13. Go to MERCY LOUNGE to see Space Capone, Tommy & The Whale and more tonight. Mercy Lounge, for one night only, is serial-killer-free and Big Bobby (the door guy) will protect you.