25 years old and I’ve only had one good Valentines day. The only good one was the day I got to see a pair of ladies boobies for the first time (Yippee!). I suppose that is an example of the ironies of life because since then, Valentines has sucked. I’m not a loser, in fact I’m a pimp. But like the economy - times is hard.
Shit- I’m so desperate I’d take that hermaphrodite known as Hilary Clinton. It would be a wonderful date. We’d tell each other cute anecdotes about her adventures abroad and I would... feed her cheesy fondue. Ideally, the cheese would dribble on her suit, we’d laugh and laugh. THEN I would flirtatiously take a strawberry and remove cheese off her blue, three-piece button down and feed her the cheesy strawberry- all-sensual like, saying “Yeah girl. U like that shit?” Then realize to myself “wait… what the fack. She’s married to Bill Clinton, this bitch must have like more diseases then the CDC.” Plus when a lady lets you take a strawberry and wipe cheesy dribble off of her clothes and then stuff it in her face… you know something ain’t right.
But I digress. The NBA All-Star Game falls over Valentines this weekend so I’ll probably just eat a whole Papa John’s cheese pizza by myself, weep and use my tears to jerk off while watching Dwight Howard win another Slam Dunk Contest.
Happy Valentines Day.
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I would like to see her wear the blue dress that monika lewinsky somehow saved without taking to the dry cleaners.
ReplyDeleteguys use tears to jerk off?? weard.
ReplyDeleteI love talking to Hills that way. She's a sexy beast that one!
ReplyDeletepizza sauce works better than tears....fyi
ReplyDeletehot or cold pizza sauce? i don't want to mess this up.
ReplyDelete