And the winner for 'Best Corporate Image of a CEO goes to....Michael Eisner!"

I know...I know...

I haven't written in a while, and I know you all missed me.

PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSYCHE!

Well since I know you only get your news from one source (the cheesecake), then I guess I need to update you guys on some stuff...

Jimmy Fallon is getting a late night show:

Carson Daly, a duel to the Death!

errr, I guess that battle was over before it started.

Secondly, this guy died a happy man...sure would've been nice to have that money though...

Thirdly, Mickey Rourke got jipped by Sean Penn. Because our 'mercy' Oscar for Mystic River wasn't enough apparently. At least we didn't give him one for his Child Porno, I Am Sam:

The real stars always get the girls before their famous...

But watch Rourke be inappropriate at the Independent Spirit Awards. FTW:

Seriously though, Let's get Eric Roberts in something...

Speaking of the Oscars...the Knights of the Roundtable award giving is probably the most masturbatory thing I've ever seen...

I mean really, now it's like initiation night for the Sorority.
"Hey girls, you've earned it. Lets see if the Best Actors want to go to the after party. But I'm gonna warn you, they only like doing it in the butt. But getting in with them can make you, so I'd say do it. Don't worry, it only hurts when Brando gets you."

(I tried to Embed the circle jerk, but Oscars youtube page disabled embedding, which makes absolutely no sense. I still think that they are sitting in Hollywood talking to themselves going,

"Have you heard of the internet?"


"I sure have Harvey, and let me tell you, it won't last."


"I here there is this thing called youvision that you can post home movies on."


"Hey Eisner, they want to know if I want to let people embed the video!??!"


"No way Katz, we aren't in the porn business!"


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand scene...
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Calling All Label Execs That Were Recently Fired....

Hey! Who wants to be President of GIBSON North America?! Check out the Monster.com listing below. Does anyone else think it is weird and maybe even sad that Gibson ran this job listing on Monster.com? Thanks to Grylliade for the TIP!

http://monster.com/bitch

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Stephenville, TX UFO Footage Finally Released!

Jan 8, 2008: Stephenville, TX
Does anyone remember the alleged UFO sightings in Stephenville, TX back in January 2008? Over 100 residents, doctors, pilots and cops reported seeing an object roughly 1 mile long and 1/2 mile wide hovering about 3,000 feet in the sky. After hovering for a few minutes, it flew off faster than any jet aircraft known to exist. Multiple witnesses claim to have seen military jets and helicopters chasing the unknown object. The military claims they were not involved in any way (remember Bush was still president during the incident so obviously the military is lying).

Larry King and CNN ran this story a week or so after the incident:



Nobody had any good video... until now... This is pretty convincing. The video quality, of course, isn't that great, but it sure is weird when the lights begin making symbols and changing shapes/locations. FFWD>> to 1:30 in the video to see where things really get weird.



Thanks to Steverod for this tip! What does everyone think? Real? Hoax? Just a big airplane? Click here for the rest...

Goodbye Conan.

Tonight is Conan's last show in New York.

This Sasquatch Moans sad but Monkey Tongue happy.

Jay Leno, the grey headed, pipsquek squirrel, is moving to 9:00 o'clock and into another building. Then Conan takes over later next month. THEN in turn Jimmy Fallon takes over Conan's show. Who knows how it will go but The Roots will be his house band so thats cool.

Okay gotta go get a many, pedy! TTYL

Oh and I'm totally ROFLATU Click here for the rest...

Mardi Gras is coming!

Click here for the rest...

Cage the Elephant and AutoVaughn Tonight at Mercy Lounge

Tonight is the night folks. Bowling Green, KY rockers, Cage the Elephant, are back in town and ready to melt your faces to butter alongside local rock quartet AutoVaughn at Mercy Lounge tonight. Show starts at 9pm with Sleeper Agent (also from Bowling Green, KY). The show is brought to you by our good friends at Black 13 Tattoo Parlor in historic Cummins Station. http://www.black13tattoo.com

Cage the Elephant and AutoVaughn recently returned from a sold-out tour in the UK. You don't want to miss this rock and roll showdown. Did you ever see this LIVE video of Cage/AV? Check it don't wreck it:



Show is only $10 to attend. 18+ Get sweaty....

Click here for the rest...

We're evolving faster and faster and faster...

So, I was reading today in the Seattle Times that... "evolution has been speeding up - not slowing down. In the 40,000 years since our ancestors fanned out from Ethiopia to populate the globe. In the 5,000 to 10,000 years since agriculture triggered the growth of large societies, the pace has accelerated to 100 times historical levels". It only makes sense. We figured out recently that our universe is also accelerating and expanding further and faster. Peep this article HERE if you like reading about accelerating universes.

Black Holes?? Anyone?? Click here for the rest...

Cheesecake Baby*: The Blog inside the Blog. (New Pennies!)

I don't know if you guys heard about this...

I personally find this to be the biggest waste of money during a recession. I'm sure everyone was just sitting around going,
Guy 1: Hey, you know whats a good idea? We should make more pennies! I bet no one has a shit ton of those just lying around the house. I'm sure I'm the only one that wakes up every once in a while with one sticking to my leg.
Guy 2: Better yet! Let's make 4 different ones!
Boss: Genius. Get on the Obama Phone!


And he was right!



Just the mere fact that it costs more to make then it is worth, should have people in an uproar. We are losing .4 cents a coin. When you add that up, that means you know how to do math! YAY!


Of course, Obama said that he would consider retiring it, but I'd imagine his 'Bromance' relationship with Lincoln will probably make that impossible...


So, since we are already wasting money...I've decided to release a limited edition coin. It costs roughly 25 dollars to make, but I'll be selling them for 1 cent. So if you can do that math. Dat means we is makings monies!

So let me introduce you to the 'Limited Edition Super Deluxe 1st Anniversary Cheesecake Baby Coin':


You should be saying to yourself, "That's the classiest coin I've ever seen." And you would be right, except I hear there's an underdog:


I'm just kidding. We all know that Pesos aren't real money.


But just know, this is a limited time offer, so get it while it's hot hot hot...or until this guy tries to stop us... Click here for the rest...

Crispy Quesadilla

I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.
Crispy Quesadilla
Should you drink jager when you’re pregnant?
Crispy Quesadilla
Why are we whispering?
Crispy Quesadilla
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Condoms on the Rise! Cheesecake Baby*: The Blog inside the Blog.

Obviously here at Cheesecake Baby, the reading of this, got me feeling down...in related news, cheesecake births at an all time low...(Sent by email from BrittJ.com, which is just a blog on food, chicks, and sex in the city. Obviously the condom news was of great concern for them as well. Her blog looks like this:



OMG PARTY PEOPLE! ITS CINCO DE MAYO!

I hope everyone is coming out to see my super special favorite band ever tonite, THE FEATURES :)

So I'm talkin to my mom today:




HA HA HA HA!




Chick BOMB with Bacon at Bongo Java East:



Iced Vanilla Latte:



Cigarette I smoked after:






So someone thought that it would be funny to leave a statue on my front porch...




And I'm like OMG ROFL.....: )




It was Kates BDay last night! And we were all like, "Whats up bitches?" and people watching us be D-R-U-N-K were all like, "What's up bitches?", and then Kate threw up in the back seat of my car and she was like, "What up bitches?"

I only have one pic because she vomed all over my camera, but heres a one I had on my phone from us at colonial Williamsburg for the after party:



I had a funny talk with Ryan today:



ROYFL (Rollin on your face laughin.....:))

SPACE CAPONE TONITE! KATES BDAY! PARTY DRINK LIVE LIFE SMOKE SLAM CHUG DANCE DELUXE!






Ryan drinking a huge beer at Ellyptical Lounge 20



So I'm gonna start bloggin my life : ) Everyone says that this is fun! Too bad my mom thinks its never gonna pay LOL! I live a chaotic lifestyle and love food and drink...so come along for the ride, I'm pretty sure I'll have you hungry, ROFL, LOLing, and OMGin.....:)




This is my dog...

Cute, HUH......: )


(Ed. Note: Visit Brittj.com for your Britt blogging needs...such as looking at food pictures and seeing people have fun at bars you didnt even know existed. RJK)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I want to clear some things up...You may have heard about CERN's malfunctioning Large Haldron Collider. This couldn't have come at a worse time for Snipers Around. We at Cheesecake Baby just made a huge analogy to the Haldron Collider and Higgs Boson. But I want to clarify the record. We are not malfunctioning. We are fully operational. Much like the Tevatron particle accelerator. So fear not...you will see the results of Cheesecake baby by the end of the year. Click here for the rest...

Who Wants To Join A Cult?

HOUSE OF RAVAH: Doctrine


THE MAP

i. The MAP has not yet been coded in any language. Those living in the milky way galaxy can understand. For that reason, listening to Lord Monoceros’ direction is a MUST.

ii. Orientation.

iii. Begin backwards (with the series FOUR Teachings) to fully decipher THE MAP. The BOOK does not have as many supporting manuscripts for THE MAP as it does for the other key doctrines. But it is, nevertheless, remarkably reliable.

iv. By the time you have finished the series THREE Teachings you will know if you are chosen for the HOUSE OF RAVAH.



THE TREE OF MASCRIL


ii. The tree was given life by Lord Monoceros on the planet Mascril in the Respa region in the future year of 3520. Into the abyss Lord Monoceros was sent once the tree reached maturity.


i. Until the day of Pentatum The tree will stand upright waiting for Lord Monoceros’ return.

ii. The TREE OF MASCRIL is the “spell seeker” -- a total of 7 books and 4 main divisions are dedicated to the tree.

iii. Prophetic revelation points to Monoceros’ tree as the “creator, seeker, and punisher”



THE CHALICE OF MAJORIS

iii. The renowned cup of Lord Monoceros in the distant future and immediate past.

i. One sip from The CHALICE OF MAJORIS and your entire being examines THE BOOK OF ANSWERS as 98½ percent pure. This means that throughout all the dimensions, only 1½% of species has any question about it. Nothing in all of the ancient writings of the entire universe even approaches the accuracy of transmission found in the BOOK after drinking from the chalice.

ii. The 1½ percent that is in question does not affect doctrine. The areas of interest are called variants and they are simply eliminated by one of Lord Monoceros’ high priests.



THE BOOK OF ANSWERS

1.The book consists of 38 chapters: 15 in the Divine Origin and 23 in the Spells Section. (Note: 3 x 9 = 27).

2. The book has 17,323 writings.

3. The book took about 35,000 light years to write.
It was written in 38 languages including retzin, horurus, latin, dreedla and opas by Lord Monoceros and is internally consistent throughout.

4. It was written in 3 dimensions: Utopia, Sitarius, and Respa.


i. The first english translation of the BOOK OF ANSWERS was initiated by Lord Monoceros and completed by Lord Monoceros in A.D. 1208.



The BOOK OF ANSWERS has been translated in part or in whole in over 1,906,000 different languages throughout over 3,200 worlds in the universe.
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Don't Leave Home Without It: East Nashville Drink Specials

I stumbled upon this nice little schedule last week. It's just a simple weekly breakdown of East Nashville's bars/restaurants with happy hour specials. I don't know where it came from or who to credit, but I'm guessing they are alcoholics. Print it out and save some money!

East Nashville Happy Hours

Order Yours Today:
Click here for the rest...

Links BLOG!

-This kid, had a kid...at 13 Years Old! (non-cheesecake related)

-A blog I've been reading lately...Funny...

-Quick note on Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman, I think this is hilarious. And just because some guy goes on a talk show and doesn't do what he's supposed to do, doesnt make him crazy. I mean, putting gum underneath Letterman's desk is probably the toughest thing you can do. My hats off to him.

-Could be a good film...


-Will be a good film...

-Phelps smoked weed...really??!?? (nailed it)

-Richard Avedon is awesome. (NSFW, because nudity in art still is bad for business, just look at the penis sitting out in Music Row circle. No one goes to Tin Roof now because of that....Oooohhhhhhh wait, they do.)

-If you guys don't know about Steampunk, you should...


-One of my favorite comics...Happy Valentine's Day (tomorrow)

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Click here for the rest...

NO FEAR - How To Survive Friday the 13th

13 Ways to Survive Friday the 13th:

1. Do NOT go to Percy Priest, Old Hickory or Crystal Lake.

2. Use the buddy-system. Do NOT be alone tonight. If you find yourself alone, just kill yourself b/c Jason will kill you in a more painful and torturous way.

3. If you see something weird or unusual, do NOT investigate.

4. Do NOT carry weapons. Jason will just use these against you.

5. If you find yourself face-to-face with Jason, attempt imitating his mother. Sometimes this can confuse him long enough for you to get away for a few more minutes.

6. Do NOT attempt to summon demons by chanting evil spells, even as a joke. These spells work 100% of the time.

7. Don't check to see if the guy is dead that you "killed". He's not. Your best course of action is to dismember, burn and scatter the remains in as many different locations as possible. This slows down his regeneration. Obviously

8. Collect as many lucky charms as possible. This includes rabbit's feet, 4 leaf clovers, talismans and horseshoes. If you see a penny on the street, pick it up for the love of God.


9. If you hear loud noises, it's not the dog or the wind. It is a warning and failure to heed said warning will result in your demise.

10. Avoid basements and attics at all costs. If your electricity all of a sudden goes out, get in the car and head downtown and NOT into the woods.

11. Do not attempt to revitalize your babysitting career tonight. If you babysit tonight, you and the fetus are toast.

12. If you are the macho jock football player, annoying jokester or popular blonde with enormous jugs, you're as good as dead. Stay away from your friends if you care about them at all.

13. Go to MERCY LOUNGE to see Space Capone, Tommy & The Whale and more tonight. Mercy Lounge, for one night only, is serial-killer-free and Big Bobby (the door guy) will protect you.

Click here for the rest...

DIGITAL TELEVISION COMING JUNE 12, 2009: Sponsored by Cheesecake Baby*: The Blog inside the Blog

For those of you who don't know, the future is upon us. We here at Cheesecake Baby still strongly believe in "walkmans" even though the rest of you have moved onto iPods. I get it. I owned like 4 of them. But then I realized how indie I was by going walkman. It's like when you saw guys in Africa wearing Jordan shirts and then you stopped wearing them.


"You just got Rick Rolled from Africa!"

But I'm not hear to talk about "Jobs" and his maniacal plans to take over the universe, one DRMed mp3 at a time. I'm here to show you what the face of America will look like once they actually get D.T.V., which is short for "Don't talk Victoria, the game is on...gawd, she always does that. Sorry John. Hey baby, why don't you go make us some nachos. Damn, HD looks fucking awesome!"


"Ahhh, the 50's."

So I cruised over to DTVtransition.org (yes they still have .orgs), and actually got to see 'a new era in television broadcasting.' So it's kinda like 'the new MTV', except it will get ruined by people who like to look in the mirror and try to fuck girls at bars 24/7. Like these guys:


"Natty light? More like Natty Right!"

If you don't know what "digital television" is, then you are pretty much screwed for life, so you should just go ahead and sell your house, take the money, and live on the streets til this whole 'technology' fad runs its course. And based on some Asimov novels, that should be roughly a Billion years from now. Or you can just go read their FAQ's. Which is, of course, filled with words and not pictures. So they basically already take you as someone smarter then you actually are. But you're in luck, I found your new best friend:



So now we are caught up on all the facts, let's take a look at the ethnically diverse television watching public: (warning: there is a lot of popcorn eating.)


"We keep are TV on the floor!" Wait...is that Ricky from 'My So-Called Life'?


Girl: I think he's cheating on me. Guy: We aren't dating.


"Girl 1: McDreamy looks the McDreamiest in Digital. I'll have a side of McIraqWarVet on the side with that. Girl 2: And a glass of White Zin. Both: HA HA HA HA HA HA"


"hahaha godzirra always wins" (courtesy of Sasquatch Moans)


"Lady: I plugged in the antenna, how come Matlock isn't on? It's just snowy. Guy: I can't see it anyway."


This picture just scares me because the parents are so close. And the kids don't look pissed. Don't they know anything about the suburbs.

Dot org's, they'll never figure out that the 'Real' new era of television broadcasting public looks like this:


*The views expressed by and herein Cheesecake Baby do not reflect the views of Snipers Around or any other subsidiary blogs. Cheesecake Baby is solely responsible for it's own shame and dirty looks. Click here for the rest...