Cheesecake Baby in Wonderland

"LOL my brother mows Tim Burton's lawn!" - zannagalv Click here for the rest...

The YouTube Tunnel

snack snack snack
- R4IDZONE


Enough with the rack comments, have some respect, it's his wife
-leighann7397 Click here for the rest...

Cheesecake Baby: I've been a long time gone...

At one point in time, this blog had so much potential...we were gonna fight for the top blog in the entire world. Then the cheesecake sat out in the hot summer sun too long and spoiled.

But there is still a chance to revive it, if only I had some blog ideas...

They've run dry...

Summer '09 has caused a massive amount of people to log off of the interwebs and log into life. Or they are just really busy, constantly checking their news feed on facebook...could be both. I'm a pessimist so I'm going to assume that all our readers are generally disinterested in what's really going on with the world, so they ignore this site for its vast amount of information.



Stay tuned.... Click here for the rest...

Cheesecake Baby: STEALTH MODE!

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Cheesecake Baby: Can I get some raaaaaaanch with that?

So Obama goes to get a burger. We all go get burgers. We all like 'em different. That's why Fuddruckers was awesome. Look at all those non-american socialist elitists on FUDDS TV. They don't bring up 'catsup' once!

But Obama wanted Dijon. Commie fucking bastard! "Hey, OH-Bama, why don't you be a real american and get some Raaaaaaaanch on that burger?"



Medium Well? I see right through that, order it medium and our eyes will be open to your 'pinko' agenda, Barack!

And why aren't we talking about this Red Party restaurant that's a cover for the underground socialist movement? "You have dijon, you're comin' with me!"


Can't we throw a racketeering charge on these degenerates and get Giuliani on this piece.

Oooooohhhhh, American Cheese. Well played Ray's.

But wait...whats that?...Vermont White Cheddar!?!?!? Muenster?!?!?? Taleggio??!??!?

Fag-lovin' Nazi Socialist Mobsters...Don't be fooled people, this one burger is not merely a lunch date with fun-lovin' Biden, but a meeting of the minds inside the doldrums of the downfall of our country. Free Trade. Diverse Choices. Angus Beef.

Next thing you know, he's gonna be eating chinese food with Kim Jon Il.


Kim Jong Il: "You pray golf?"
Obama: "I'm more of a basketball guy."
Kim Jong Il: "Shiii." Click here for the rest...

Cheesecake Baby: Autotuned!

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Cheesecake Baby: Teabaggin' your brain with Communist Propaghanda

Yeah, that guy is talking about the DTV receiver being an O-Bama brainwashin' deeevice...I blogged about it before...and believe me, Glenn Beck coming into my living room daily in a nice clear picture is toooooootallly brainwashing...or a laxative, I haven't figured that out yet.

And that one chick did say she wanted to burn books...

So overall, I think a couple things:
A. This is not taxation without representation, this is a sore losers hang...otherwise known as a PITY PARTY! The election was 5 months ago...it's not like we are on the tail end of a 200 year totalitarian empire. We just voted...

B. This should not be happening.

C. If they can burn "Evolutionary Propaganda", does that mean we can stand in the streets burning the bible?

D. I'm building a storm shelter, and I'm going to stock it full of biscuits to go with my tea.

E. Somehow these people forgot that we could have lower taxes if they didn't want us to go around making everything illegal. The War on Drugs comes to mind...So does the War on Terror...So does the crazy fucker that went around my work and took pictures of the cars parked illegally and brought it to the police precinct...He's probably hosting a tea bag party...The government is running their lives because they want it to...WAKE THE FUCK UP, PEOPLE!

Ask and you shall receive... Click here for the rest...

Cheesecake Baby: "There will be a 70% chance of fag this weekend"

I watched this:


So naturally I went to the doppler radar...and all it talked about was rain...and then I remembered!


There is a gay conspiracy among meteorologists! They've been hiding the truth the whole time! Trying to sneak in with their equal rights and adopting children...Are they crazy?

We all know that us straighties are way better with children...

And Equal Rights...psssh...we already let "The Blacks" do stuff equally, now I gotta let Johnny Boner sniff my ass at work...I know he is thinking about how he wants to fuck me...GROSS!

But, in all seriousness...If we were gonna make a big deal out of this, we should've done it when Rosie O'Donnell was trying to get a kid...buuuuuuuuttttt noooooooo, we were too busy eating cheeseburgers, replaying A League of their Own, and being too hungover from the joy of Supermarket Sweep, to be able to really see clearly by the time Rosie came on.




But back to "real" seriousness...this ad is gay. Click here for the rest...

Cheesecake Baby: He's gone coouonntree!

The ACM's were last night (I know, I didn't really give a shit either, but some did.) And I was watching them perched on my high pedestal, better known as my bar stool at Ruth Chris. (You have no idea how much bloggin' gets you these days.) And through the smell of my 80 dollar steak and the sting of my 25 dollar whiskey ginger, I made some observations:

(Also note, that since ACM's website is run by a donkey tied to a giant cog that runs their webserver, it will be slow today. "Technologies? I just wanna play the Opries!")

(Also note, that it is OK for you to wear a hat inside at any country event, but not in you mamma's house. "Show some respect, brother.")

-Carrie Underwood sang a song, and I'm pretty sure it looked like this:

It's possible the parachute was bigger and the kids more ethnically diverse (I'm just kidding about the second part, they were totally all white.)

-Taylor Swift - Fearless, won album of the year. But of course, didn't win anything else. Carrie took the good awards for being pretty and wearing parachutes while singing. Taylor Swift later becomes our tabloid nip-slip queen.

-Song of the Year went to 'In Color' by Jamey Johnson, further proving that the vast majority of country fans were putting stockings in front of their TV last night, hoping to get colored pictures on the movin' picture box. Thank GOD, it was on CBS or else I'm pretty sure no fans wouldn't have found it. Cause that damn Fox Channel has all dem crass jokes bout fornicatin! And don't e'en get me started on that commie NBC channel.

-Here is the winner of best video ----> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvKgnkIN8C8
Again, labels fail by making things un-embeddable..."Embed, isn't dat da joke about hows you can say that after you read a fortune cookie. I don't want any part of that commie cookie."

-If you actually watched that video, you probably just woke up 2 hours later in a cold sweat and you're still looking at this blog. I'm SORRY! Here's a nice wake up pic:

She won Best New Artist for...I think singing...I'm not sure...But I'd vote for her.

-Subnote, This song and video was nominated against the above mentioned winners:

She wants to find a guy that's fucked up on pills all the time, treats her like shit, gets famous, runs a tractor into the lake on Thanksgiving, and that is adulterous. The American Love Story.

-Tim McGraw pulled out. (I just wanted to write that.)

-Apparently, based on the ACM site that took 25 minutes to load, they have a Best Casino award...which I'm not entirely sure how the HELL that award even exists at a Country Music Awards event...but, they do have some good shows coming up:


-The Ryman won Venue of the Year...for the 80th year in a row. "It's the old Opry ya'll, you can't vote against that!" Taylor Swift heard in the background going, "Is that that place downtown near Decades?"

I'll leave you with this:
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"Special Cheesecake" Baby; The Blog inside the Fog: No taksies backsies!

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IMPEACH!

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Cheesecake Baby: What's on your mind?

OBAMA LIVE NEWS CONFERENCE: 8/7 Central (but we all know that central time zone is the best.)




So, I've been trollin the interwebs like mad...I got the day off (well, from real work. The demand for cheesecake has substantially dropped since the return of warm weather.)

But alas, some of you are still at work, talking on AIM and facebook statusing your asses off, so I must steal your attention away with some things that I have come to enjoy:

If you aren't reading "The Blogess", then you are missing written internet GOLD, an excerpt from an older post:
"So I was in the bathroom at Taco Cabana and someone had written “LIVE EVERY DAY AS IF IT WAS YOUR LAST” on the wall of the stall which is really horrible advice because if it was really my last day on earth I’d spend that day calling all the people who have wronged me to tell them they’re assholes. But then you’d wake up the next morning and BAM, you’re still alive and now your voicemail is filled with people yelling at you because they all got the messages you left last night. I was going to write this all on the stall but I couldn’t find a sharpie. And then like a month later you’d be at a party and you’d totally run into one of the people you called but you don’t remember telling them how much they suck because you were probably drunk because who’s going to be sober on their last day on earth? Not me, motherf’ckers. And so I’d be all “Oh hi, you!” and they’d be like “Um…didn’t you leave me a voicemail calling me a giant whorebag?” and then I’d be all “Oh. Awk-ward.” But then I’d be all, “But I mean, you are kind of a whore. You slept with my ex-fiance, remember? Whore?” Which would actually be kind of awesome. Okay, I’ve changed my mind. This is excellent advice. Expect some calls tonight, assholes."

Go to this site. Read it everyday. Don't take the internet more seriously than this:
THE BLOGESS


a comic:


This feels like it will be a familiar sight to us really soon (but I think we know what it will say, instead of Beer):


This is shot using a technique called Tilt-Shifting:


This is old, but you need to inform yourself:



Is this show any good? I like it, but I can't decide if other people will:
Click here for the rest...

Don't worry, the Cheesecake hasn't gone bad...It's been refrigerated!

Be amazed...
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2:00AM - YouTube DJ Set

Enjoy... Weird shit that seems interesting or funny to me at 2:00AM









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DREADLOCKS look like a clump of bananas made of shit and hair.

Right before I greet someone with dreads I am usually laughing at how ridiculous they look. The closer they get, the more I begin laughing and by the end I am throwing up LOL's because they look so stupid.


Cordially,

Sasquatch Moans

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It's Hard Work Being Rich & Famous. Here is the Book of Secrets to Succeed

Look folks... You've probably come to realize that Kenny Bloggins is here for the people. I don't sugar coat anything. I tell it like it is and it is like it is told. For all of you interested in the entertainment field... I hope you are prepared for the commitment needed to succeed.

Lesson 1: Beat the shit out of your significant other. This will ensure that even if you are a no-talent ass-clown, you will at least get some face time in the press for being a violent bag of douche. You don't think this works? R. Kelly peed on a minor while videotaping it and he is still laughing all the way to the bank. Chris Brown, congratulations for being a disgrace to both music and America. Rihanna... I still like you beat-up or pretty.

BEFORE


AFTER


Moving on to lesson 2: DRUG ADDICTION:

This has worked for decades. Here is a great resource to see how many rockstars have died from various causes over the years: http://www.av1611.org/rockdead.html. No big surprise that Overdose was the #2 cause of rockstar deaths. Coming in at #1... heart attack (probably as a result of years of drug and alcohol abuse). THIS WORKS PEOPLE. The more fucked up you are, the more awesome your music sounds to people that think that music should suck, which is a lot of people and most of Europe.

Finally, lesson 3 is GUARANTEED to skyrocket you into interstellar stardom... SCIENTOLOGY

This list is a regular whos-who of famous d-bags, teabags, beanbags and doggiebags. Cruise, Brandy, Travolta, The dame that does the Bart Simpson voice, Isaac Hayes (RIP) all are on the guest list for the Scientology show. From what I can tell, Scientology is pretty easy. Fortunately, the doctrine was written by L Ron Hubbard who, appropriately made his money as a science fiction author. This "religion" screams CREDIBILITY. Get on board or get Left Behind. Click here for the rest...

HORSEHUNTER @ YOUR SERVICE

So...I got invited to blog on snipers around and I'm starting off with people that are so fucked up...that they bother me.  It's a Rodney Dangerfield blog essentially.

First and foremost... THESE GUYS.




Horses don't eat cheeseburgers. Horses don't sleep in beds. And just because both of your wives left you long ago...doesn't mean you have the right to not only disregard the animal as potential prey, but to treat it like a special needs child.


THE NEW WRITERS FOR THE LATE SHOW



I finally watched the Jimmy Fallon show tonight. (or whatever it is called)and this is the funniest thing they could come up with tonight. Questlove is awesome. But unless QL actually takes over the show as a host...... Umm...sorry. I just got lost thinking about how awesome that would be.



For some reason, I spent like an hour delving into the world of the online Furry community. It's totally insane. Ranging from people who wear costumes and draw cute pictures of animals, to people who watch videos of women crushing rats with their feet. It's a colorful movement folks.

Here is a Vanity Fair article written a few years ago: http://pressedfur.coolfreepages.com/press/vanityfair/


This site is ran by someone who is probly extremely sexually repressed: http://www.godhatesfurries.com/


And apparently there is a vast amount of hand drawn furry porn passed around online: http://www.yiffstar.com/


This one is tame in comparison I promise:

Here's an online role playing site in case you are having a funny feeling at this point: http://www.furry.com/


Don't get me wrong. I love and hate many afurry animal. But I don't want to dress up like one and scratch another grown man's back.

And finally... EVERYONE WHO WORKS AT FOX NEWS
Like everyone. Every person involved. Even you're mom if she works there. Here's a few things to get you started...







Anyway...check out the doc UNFOXED and the site www.foxattacks.com

That's all for now. Next time maybe I'll pull together some useful tips pertaining to the essential pillars of horse hunting. maybe not though.
-HORSEHUNTER Click here for the rest...

Local Drunk Survives Another Year

Ricky Young turns 20-something soon and the party is in East Nashville this Saturday at 5 Spot. w00t

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Duba Duba Duba Duba

(ps. for those of you that read regularly, and are looking for the weird video that was once here, it's gone. Still on Youtube, just not fit for the children. or was it?) Click here for the rest...

Guns N' Roses Reunite? NOT

I had no idea there was so much hostility in the GNR camp! Axl Rose claims that either he or Slash will have to DIE before the band reunites. Irony: Americans under the age of 40 probably would prefer that both of you die.

Read more about this nonsense here. Click here for the rest...

And the winner for 'Best Corporate Image of a CEO goes to....Michael Eisner!"

I know...I know...

I haven't written in a while, and I know you all missed me.

PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSYCHE!

Well since I know you only get your news from one source (the cheesecake), then I guess I need to update you guys on some stuff...

Jimmy Fallon is getting a late night show:

Carson Daly, a duel to the Death!

errr, I guess that battle was over before it started.

Secondly, this guy died a happy man...sure would've been nice to have that money though...

Thirdly, Mickey Rourke got jipped by Sean Penn. Because our 'mercy' Oscar for Mystic River wasn't enough apparently. At least we didn't give him one for his Child Porno, I Am Sam:

The real stars always get the girls before their famous...

But watch Rourke be inappropriate at the Independent Spirit Awards. FTW:

Seriously though, Let's get Eric Roberts in something...

Speaking of the Oscars...the Knights of the Roundtable award giving is probably the most masturbatory thing I've ever seen...

I mean really, now it's like initiation night for the Sorority.
"Hey girls, you've earned it. Lets see if the Best Actors want to go to the after party. But I'm gonna warn you, they only like doing it in the butt. But getting in with them can make you, so I'd say do it. Don't worry, it only hurts when Brando gets you."

(I tried to Embed the circle jerk, but Oscars youtube page disabled embedding, which makes absolutely no sense. I still think that they are sitting in Hollywood talking to themselves going,

"Have you heard of the internet?"


"I sure have Harvey, and let me tell you, it won't last."


"I here there is this thing called youvision that you can post home movies on."


"Hey Eisner, they want to know if I want to let people embed the video!??!"


"No way Katz, we aren't in the porn business!"


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand scene...
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Calling All Label Execs That Were Recently Fired....

Hey! Who wants to be President of GIBSON North America?! Check out the Monster.com listing below. Does anyone else think it is weird and maybe even sad that Gibson ran this job listing on Monster.com? Thanks to Grylliade for the TIP!

http://monster.com/bitch

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Stephenville, TX UFO Footage Finally Released!

Jan 8, 2008: Stephenville, TX
Does anyone remember the alleged UFO sightings in Stephenville, TX back in January 2008? Over 100 residents, doctors, pilots and cops reported seeing an object roughly 1 mile long and 1/2 mile wide hovering about 3,000 feet in the sky. After hovering for a few minutes, it flew off faster than any jet aircraft known to exist. Multiple witnesses claim to have seen military jets and helicopters chasing the unknown object. The military claims they were not involved in any way (remember Bush was still president during the incident so obviously the military is lying).

Larry King and CNN ran this story a week or so after the incident:



Nobody had any good video... until now... This is pretty convincing. The video quality, of course, isn't that great, but it sure is weird when the lights begin making symbols and changing shapes/locations. FFWD>> to 1:30 in the video to see where things really get weird.



Thanks to Steverod for this tip! What does everyone think? Real? Hoax? Just a big airplane? Click here for the rest...

Goodbye Conan.

Tonight is Conan's last show in New York.

This Sasquatch Moans sad but Monkey Tongue happy.

Jay Leno, the grey headed, pipsquek squirrel, is moving to 9:00 o'clock and into another building. Then Conan takes over later next month. THEN in turn Jimmy Fallon takes over Conan's show. Who knows how it will go but The Roots will be his house band so thats cool.

Okay gotta go get a many, pedy! TTYL

Oh and I'm totally ROFLATU Click here for the rest...

Mardi Gras is coming!

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Cage the Elephant and AutoVaughn Tonight at Mercy Lounge

Tonight is the night folks. Bowling Green, KY rockers, Cage the Elephant, are back in town and ready to melt your faces to butter alongside local rock quartet AutoVaughn at Mercy Lounge tonight. Show starts at 9pm with Sleeper Agent (also from Bowling Green, KY). The show is brought to you by our good friends at Black 13 Tattoo Parlor in historic Cummins Station. http://www.black13tattoo.com

Cage the Elephant and AutoVaughn recently returned from a sold-out tour in the UK. You don't want to miss this rock and roll showdown. Did you ever see this LIVE video of Cage/AV? Check it don't wreck it:



Show is only $10 to attend. 18+ Get sweaty....

Click here for the rest...

We're evolving faster and faster and faster...

So, I was reading today in the Seattle Times that... "evolution has been speeding up - not slowing down. In the 40,000 years since our ancestors fanned out from Ethiopia to populate the globe. In the 5,000 to 10,000 years since agriculture triggered the growth of large societies, the pace has accelerated to 100 times historical levels". It only makes sense. We figured out recently that our universe is also accelerating and expanding further and faster. Peep this article HERE if you like reading about accelerating universes.

Black Holes?? Anyone?? Click here for the rest...

Cheesecake Baby*: The Blog inside the Blog. (New Pennies!)

I don't know if you guys heard about this...

I personally find this to be the biggest waste of money during a recession. I'm sure everyone was just sitting around going,
Guy 1: Hey, you know whats a good idea? We should make more pennies! I bet no one has a shit ton of those just lying around the house. I'm sure I'm the only one that wakes up every once in a while with one sticking to my leg.
Guy 2: Better yet! Let's make 4 different ones!
Boss: Genius. Get on the Obama Phone!


And he was right!



Just the mere fact that it costs more to make then it is worth, should have people in an uproar. We are losing .4 cents a coin. When you add that up, that means you know how to do math! YAY!


Of course, Obama said that he would consider retiring it, but I'd imagine his 'Bromance' relationship with Lincoln will probably make that impossible...


So, since we are already wasting money...I've decided to release a limited edition coin. It costs roughly 25 dollars to make, but I'll be selling them for 1 cent. So if you can do that math. Dat means we is makings monies!

So let me introduce you to the 'Limited Edition Super Deluxe 1st Anniversary Cheesecake Baby Coin':


You should be saying to yourself, "That's the classiest coin I've ever seen." And you would be right, except I hear there's an underdog:


I'm just kidding. We all know that Pesos aren't real money.


But just know, this is a limited time offer, so get it while it's hot hot hot...or until this guy tries to stop us... Click here for the rest...

Crispy Quesadilla

I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.
Crispy Quesadilla
Should you drink jager when you’re pregnant?
Crispy Quesadilla
Why are we whispering?
Crispy Quesadilla
Click here for the rest...

Condoms on the Rise! Cheesecake Baby*: The Blog inside the Blog.

Obviously here at Cheesecake Baby, the reading of this, got me feeling down...in related news, cheesecake births at an all time low...(Sent by email from BrittJ.com, which is just a blog on food, chicks, and sex in the city. Obviously the condom news was of great concern for them as well. Her blog looks like this:



OMG PARTY PEOPLE! ITS CINCO DE MAYO!

I hope everyone is coming out to see my super special favorite band ever tonite, THE FEATURES :)

So I'm talkin to my mom today:




HA HA HA HA!




Chick BOMB with Bacon at Bongo Java East:



Iced Vanilla Latte:



Cigarette I smoked after:






So someone thought that it would be funny to leave a statue on my front porch...




And I'm like OMG ROFL.....: )




It was Kates BDay last night! And we were all like, "Whats up bitches?" and people watching us be D-R-U-N-K were all like, "What's up bitches?", and then Kate threw up in the back seat of my car and she was like, "What up bitches?"

I only have one pic because she vomed all over my camera, but heres a one I had on my phone from us at colonial Williamsburg for the after party:



I had a funny talk with Ryan today:



ROYFL (Rollin on your face laughin.....:))

SPACE CAPONE TONITE! KATES BDAY! PARTY DRINK LIVE LIFE SMOKE SLAM CHUG DANCE DELUXE!






Ryan drinking a huge beer at Ellyptical Lounge 20



So I'm gonna start bloggin my life : ) Everyone says that this is fun! Too bad my mom thinks its never gonna pay LOL! I live a chaotic lifestyle and love food and drink...so come along for the ride, I'm pretty sure I'll have you hungry, ROFL, LOLing, and OMGin.....:)




This is my dog...

Cute, HUH......: )


(Ed. Note: Visit Brittj.com for your Britt blogging needs...such as looking at food pictures and seeing people have fun at bars you didnt even know existed. RJK)
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I want to clear some things up...You may have heard about CERN's malfunctioning Large Haldron Collider. This couldn't have come at a worse time for Snipers Around. We at Cheesecake Baby just made a huge analogy to the Haldron Collider and Higgs Boson. But I want to clarify the record. We are not malfunctioning. We are fully operational. Much like the Tevatron particle accelerator. So fear not...you will see the results of Cheesecake baby by the end of the year. Click here for the rest...