Cheesecake Baby: He's gone coouonntree!

The ACM's were last night (I know, I didn't really give a shit either, but some did.) And I was watching them perched on my high pedestal, better known as my bar stool at Ruth Chris. (You have no idea how much bloggin' gets you these days.) And through the smell of my 80 dollar steak and the sting of my 25 dollar whiskey ginger, I made some observations:

(Also note, that since ACM's website is run by a donkey tied to a giant cog that runs their webserver, it will be slow today. "Technologies? I just wanna play the Opries!")

(Also note, that it is OK for you to wear a hat inside at any country event, but not in you mamma's house. "Show some respect, brother.")

-Carrie Underwood sang a song, and I'm pretty sure it looked like this:

It's possible the parachute was bigger and the kids more ethnically diverse (I'm just kidding about the second part, they were totally all white.)

-Taylor Swift - Fearless, won album of the year. But of course, didn't win anything else. Carrie took the good awards for being pretty and wearing parachutes while singing. Taylor Swift later becomes our tabloid nip-slip queen.

-Song of the Year went to 'In Color' by Jamey Johnson, further proving that the vast majority of country fans were putting stockings in front of their TV last night, hoping to get colored pictures on the movin' picture box. Thank GOD, it was on CBS or else I'm pretty sure no fans wouldn't have found it. Cause that damn Fox Channel has all dem crass jokes bout fornicatin! And don't e'en get me started on that commie NBC channel.

-Here is the winner of best video ----> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvKgnkIN8C8
Again, labels fail by making things un-embeddable..."Embed, isn't dat da joke about hows you can say that after you read a fortune cookie. I don't want any part of that commie cookie."

-If you actually watched that video, you probably just woke up 2 hours later in a cold sweat and you're still looking at this blog. I'm SORRY! Here's a nice wake up pic:

She won Best New Artist for...I think singing...I'm not sure...But I'd vote for her.

-Subnote, This song and video was nominated against the above mentioned winners:

She wants to find a guy that's fucked up on pills all the time, treats her like shit, gets famous, runs a tractor into the lake on Thanksgiving, and that is adulterous. The American Love Story.

-Tim McGraw pulled out. (I just wanted to write that.)

-Apparently, based on the ACM site that took 25 minutes to load, they have a Best Casino award...which I'm not entirely sure how the HELL that award even exists at a Country Music Awards event...but, they do have some good shows coming up:


-The Ryman won Venue of the Year...for the 80th year in a row. "It's the old Opry ya'll, you can't vote against that!" Taylor Swift heard in the background going, "Is that that place downtown near Decades?"

I'll leave you with this: