1 hour ago
Friday, March 27, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Cheesecake Baby: What's on your mind?
OBAMA LIVE NEWS CONFERENCE: 8/7 Central (but we all know that central time zone is the best.)
So, I've been trollin the interwebs like mad...I got the day off (well, from real work. The demand for cheesecake has substantially dropped since the return of warm weather.)
But alas, some of you are still at work, talking on AIM and facebook statusing your asses off, so I must steal your attention away with some things that I have come to enjoy:
If you aren't reading "The Blogess", then you are missing written internet GOLD, an excerpt from an older post:
"So I was in the bathroom at Taco Cabana and someone had written “LIVE EVERY DAY AS IF IT WAS YOUR LAST” on the wall of the stall which is really horrible advice because if it was really my last day on earth I’d spend that day calling all the people who have wronged me to tell them they’re assholes. But then you’d wake up the next morning and BAM, you’re still alive and now your voicemail is filled with people yelling at you because they all got the messages you left last night. I was going to write this all on the stall but I couldn’t find a sharpie. And then like a month later you’d be at a party and you’d totally run into one of the people you called but you don’t remember telling them how much they suck because you were probably drunk because who’s going to be sober on their last day on earth? Not me, motherf’ckers. And so I’d be all “Oh hi, you!” and they’d be like “Um…didn’t you leave me a voicemail calling me a giant whorebag?” and then I’d be all “Oh. Awk-ward.” But then I’d be all, “But I mean, you are kind of a whore. You slept with my ex-fiance, remember? Whore?” Which would actually be kind of awesome. Okay, I’ve changed my mind. This is excellent advice. Expect some calls tonight, assholes."
Go to this site. Read it everyday. Don't take the internet more seriously than this:
THE BLOGESS
a comic:
This feels like it will be a familiar sight to us really soon (but I think we know what it will say, instead of Beer):
This is shot using a technique called Tilt-Shifting:
This is old, but you need to inform yourself:
Is this show any good? I like it, but I can't decide if other people will:
Click here for the rest...
So, I've been trollin the interwebs like mad...I got the day off (well, from real work. The demand for cheesecake has substantially dropped since the return of warm weather.)
But alas, some of you are still at work, talking on AIM and facebook statusing your asses off, so I must steal your attention away with some things that I have come to enjoy:
If you aren't reading "The Blogess", then you are missing written internet GOLD, an excerpt from an older post:
"So I was in the bathroom at Taco Cabana and someone had written “LIVE EVERY DAY AS IF IT WAS YOUR LAST” on the wall of the stall which is really horrible advice because if it was really my last day on earth I’d spend that day calling all the people who have wronged me to tell them they’re assholes. But then you’d wake up the next morning and BAM, you’re still alive and now your voicemail is filled with people yelling at you because they all got the messages you left last night. I was going to write this all on the stall but I couldn’t find a sharpie. And then like a month later you’d be at a party and you’d totally run into one of the people you called but you don’t remember telling them how much they suck because you were probably drunk because who’s going to be sober on their last day on earth? Not me, motherf’ckers. And so I’d be all “Oh hi, you!” and they’d be like “Um…didn’t you leave me a voicemail calling me a giant whorebag?” and then I’d be all “Oh. Awk-ward.” But then I’d be all, “But I mean, you are kind of a whore. You slept with my ex-fiance, remember? Whore?” Which would actually be kind of awesome. Okay, I’ve changed my mind. This is excellent advice. Expect some calls tonight, assholes."
Go to this site. Read it everyday. Don't take the internet more seriously than this:
THE BLOGESS
a comic:
This feels like it will be a familiar sight to us really soon (but I think we know what it will say, instead of Beer):
This is shot using a technique called Tilt-Shifting:
This is old, but you need to inform yourself:
Is this show any good? I like it, but I can't decide if other people will:
Click here for the rest...
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
DREADLOCKS look like a clump of bananas made of shit and hair.
Right before I greet someone with dreads I am usually laughing at how ridiculous they look. The closer they get, the more I begin laughing and by the end I am throwing up LOL's because they look so stupid.
Cordially,
Sasquatch Moans
Click here for the rest...
Friday, March 6, 2009
It's Hard Work Being Rich & Famous. Here is the Book of Secrets to Succeed
Look folks... You've probably come to realize that Kenny Bloggins is here for the people. I don't sugar coat anything. I tell it like it is and it is like it is told. For all of you interested in the entertainment field... I hope you are prepared for the commitment needed to succeed.
Lesson 1: Beat the shit out of your significant other. This will ensure that even if you are a no-talent ass-clown, you will at least get some face time in the press for being a violent bag of douche. You don't think this works? R. Kelly peed on a minor while videotaping it and he is still laughing all the way to the bank. Chris Brown, congratulations for being a disgrace to both music and America. Rihanna... I still like you beat-up or pretty.
BEFORE
AFTER
Moving on to lesson 2: DRUG ADDICTION:
This has worked for decades. Here is a great resource to see how many rockstars have died from various causes over the years: http://www.av1611.org/rockdead.html. No big surprise that Overdose was the #2 cause of rockstar deaths. Coming in at #1... heart attack (probably as a result of years of drug and alcohol abuse). THIS WORKS PEOPLE. The more fucked up you are, the more awesome your music sounds to people that think that music should suck, which is a lot of people and most of Europe.
Finally, lesson 3 is GUARANTEED to skyrocket you into interstellar stardom... SCIENTOLOGY
This list is a regular whos-who of famous d-bags, teabags, beanbags and doggiebags. Cruise, Brandy, Travolta, The dame that does the Bart Simpson voice, Isaac Hayes (RIP) all are on the guest list for the Scientology show. From what I can tell, Scientology is pretty easy. Fortunately, the doctrine was written by L Ron Hubbard who, appropriately made his money as a science fiction author. This "religion" screams CREDIBILITY. Get on board or get Left Behind. Click here for the rest...
Lesson 1: Beat the shit out of your significant other. This will ensure that even if you are a no-talent ass-clown, you will at least get some face time in the press for being a violent bag of douche. You don't think this works? R. Kelly peed on a minor while videotaping it and he is still laughing all the way to the bank. Chris Brown, congratulations for being a disgrace to both music and America. Rihanna... I still like you beat-up or pretty.
BEFORE
AFTER
Moving on to lesson 2: DRUG ADDICTION:
This has worked for decades. Here is a great resource to see how many rockstars have died from various causes over the years: http://www.av1611.org/rockdead.html. No big surprise that Overdose was the #2 cause of rockstar deaths. Coming in at #1... heart attack (probably as a result of years of drug and alcohol abuse). THIS WORKS PEOPLE. The more fucked up you are, the more awesome your music sounds to people that think that music should suck, which is a lot of people and most of Europe.
Finally, lesson 3 is GUARANTEED to skyrocket you into interstellar stardom... SCIENTOLOGY
This list is a regular whos-who of famous d-bags, teabags, beanbags and doggiebags. Cruise, Brandy, Travolta, The dame that does the Bart Simpson voice, Isaac Hayes (RIP) all are on the guest list for the Scientology show. From what I can tell, Scientology is pretty easy. Fortunately, the doctrine was written by L Ron Hubbard who, appropriately made his money as a science fiction author. This "religion" screams CREDIBILITY. Get on board or get Left Behind. Click here for the rest...
Thursday, March 5, 2009
HORSEHUNTER @ YOUR SERVICE
So...I got invited to blog on snipers around and I'm starting off with people that are so fucked up...that they bother me. It's a Rodney Dangerfield blog essentially.
First and foremost... THESE GUYS.
Horses don't eat cheeseburgers. Horses don't sleep in beds. And just because both of your wives left you long ago...doesn't mean you have the right to not only disregard the animal as potential prey, but to treat it like a special needs child.
THE NEW WRITERS FOR THE LATE SHOW
I finally watched the Jimmy Fallon show tonight. (or whatever it is called)and this is the funniest thing they could come up with tonight. Questlove is awesome. But unless QL actually takes over the show as a host...... Umm...sorry. I just got lost thinking about how awesome that would be.
For some reason, I spent like an hour delving into the world of the online Furry community. It's totally insane. Ranging from people who wear costumes and draw cute pictures of animals, to people who watch videos of women crushing rats with their feet. It's a colorful movement folks.
Here is a Vanity Fair article written a few years ago: http://pressedfur.coolfreepages.com/press/vanityfair/
This site is ran by someone who is probly extremely sexually repressed: http://www.godhatesfurries.com/
And apparently there is a vast amount of hand drawn furry porn passed around online: http://www.yiffstar.com/
This one is tame in comparison I promise:
Here's an online role playing site in case you are having a funny feeling at this point: http://www.furry.com/
Don't get me wrong. I love and hate many afurry animal. But I don't want to dress up like one and scratch another grown man's back.
And finally... EVERYONE WHO WORKS AT FOX NEWS
Like everyone. Every person involved. Even you're mom if she works there. Here's a few things to get you started...
Anyway...check out the doc UNFOXED and the site www.foxattacks.com
That's all for now. Next time maybe I'll pull together some useful tips pertaining to the essential pillars of horse hunting. maybe not though.
-HORSEHUNTER Click here for the rest...
First and foremost... THESE GUYS.
Horses don't eat cheeseburgers. Horses don't sleep in beds. And just because both of your wives left you long ago...doesn't mean you have the right to not only disregard the animal as potential prey, but to treat it like a special needs child.
THE NEW WRITERS FOR THE LATE SHOW
I finally watched the Jimmy Fallon show tonight. (or whatever it is called)and this is the funniest thing they could come up with tonight. Questlove is awesome. But unless QL actually takes over the show as a host...... Umm...sorry. I just got lost thinking about how awesome that would be.
For some reason, I spent like an hour delving into the world of the online Furry community. It's totally insane. Ranging from people who wear costumes and draw cute pictures of animals, to people who watch videos of women crushing rats with their feet. It's a colorful movement folks.
Here is a Vanity Fair article written a few years ago: http://pressedfur.coolfreepages.com/press/vanityfair/
This site is ran by someone who is probly extremely sexually repressed: http://www.godhatesfurries.com/
And apparently there is a vast amount of hand drawn furry porn passed around online: http://www.yiffstar.com/
This one is tame in comparison I promise:
Here's an online role playing site in case you are having a funny feeling at this point: http://www.furry.com/
Don't get me wrong. I love and hate many afurry animal. But I don't want to dress up like one and scratch another grown man's back.
And finally... EVERYONE WHO WORKS AT FOX NEWS
Like everyone. Every person involved. Even you're mom if she works there. Here's a few things to get you started...
Anyway...check out the doc UNFOXED and the site www.foxattacks.com
That's all for now. Next time maybe I'll pull together some useful tips pertaining to the essential pillars of horse hunting. maybe not though.
-HORSEHUNTER Click here for the rest...
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Local Drunk Survives Another Year
Ricky Young turns 20-something soon and the party is in East Nashville this Saturday at 5 Spot. w00t
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Duba Duba Duba Duba
(ps. for those of you that read regularly, and are looking for the weird video that was once here, it's gone. Still on Youtube, just not fit for the children. or was it?) Click here for the rest...
Monday, March 2, 2009
Guns N' Roses Reunite? NOT
I had no idea there was so much hostility in the GNR camp! Axl Rose claims that either he or Slash will have to DIE before the band reunites. Irony: Americans under the age of 40 probably would prefer that both of you die.
Read more about this nonsense here. Click here for the rest...
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